girl: so u wanna fuck with the lights on or off bae?
me: *thinks about the electricity bill*
me: in the dark ;)
It’s called an ORgasm, not an ANDgasm. We’ll get you next time babe…
hey remember that law i forget exactly how it goes but its something along the lines of ‘if you murder someone you go to jail’ whatever happened to that? is that still a thing
I heard this on the radio. Mike Brown was a kid who didn’t want to play football, even though he had the body for it. When asked why, he told his friends that he didn’t want to hit anybody.
This is the child that they’re going to paint as a thug.
for someone who pretends to have no emotions whatsoever im really sensitive
you: tries to roast me with a lame yo mama joke
me: looks you up on ancestry.com, finds out that your great grandmother was banished from her lithuianian village because no one liked her, writes a six page allegorical story that roasts your great grandmother, then reads it to your significant other to get them to despise you
when your mom calls you down for dinner and you get there and its not ready